'It shows you there is hope': Football coach on anorexia recovery journey

For Jordan Caldwell, turning 30 meant more than celebrating another birthday.

It was the chance to stand in front of a camera, strike a bodybuilder post and reflect on how far he had come after almost two decades of battling anorexia.

It was also an age his parents feared he would never reach.

Jordan, who has lived with an eating disorder since he was 12, said the photoshoot was the culmination of a dream he had held onto since a relapse in his teens.

He said reaching out to online fitness coach Aamir Ishtiaque four years ago helped change his life, giving him something to work towards.

It was the day, he said, that "everything changed for the better".

Years later, he said he hopes that by sharing his journey it will show others in the same position that it is possible to find strength "in something that you love and have a passion for".

A youth coach with Glentoran FC in Belfast, Jordan said he has always had a love for sport, particularly football and bodybuilding.

"I've always looked up to bodybuilders as like superheroes and something I aspired to be," he said.

Jordan said he hit his lowest point at 18 years old, when a relapse led to a stay at a London treatment centre specialising in eating disorders.

The trauma of his intense struggle with anorexia resulted in a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

But with Aamir's support and a goal in mind, he said he began to find a way forward.

"The first year or so, it was just getting myself back on the straight and narrow and actually seeing there is a point in living again," he told BBC News NI.

Having someone to speak to and trust on his journey back to health and well-being was, he said, the "most important" thing.

Now actively navigating recovery, Jordan said he is taking steps every day to manage his disorder.

"I believe it is something I will battle with every day, but I can be on top of the negative side more than the negative side being on top of me."

As his renewed sense of purpose shifted into ambition, Jordan began looking beyond the day-to-day and decided to set himself a long-term goal to mark his 30th birthday with a professional gym photoshoot.

"I said for my 30th I want to be in a state again where I can say 'I had anorexia, it's not stopping me anymore' and I've actually built back muscle and built towards something that I've said I've dreamt of since I relapsed again."

For Aamir, working with Jordan has changed him as a coach.

"The journey with Jordan has been quite interesting. First and foremost it's made me a much better coach, it's made me understand that everyone comes from different positions."

Aamir said establishing trust was particularly important because Jordan had found it difficult to take advice from other people.

"If I can gain his trust, do small things initially, then that leads onto bigger things," he said.

With the photoshoot goal achieved, Aamir is already thinking about what comes next.

"Once you hit a goal there is always a period of where you're kind of in limbo and I didn't want that. I couldn't afford to have that with Jordan."

Aamir acknowledges that Jordan's battle with his eating disorder is not a linear journey, but their close working relationship has reached the stage where he now considers him family.

"I have transformed thousands of people in my career but this is probably the best, simply because the relationship I have developed with Jordan has been a lot more than just a coach and a client."

Reflecting on the moments leading up to the camera rolling, Jordan said it felt "pretty cool" to get a spray tan and try out bodybuilder poses for the shoot.

"I would probably say, if not the best day of my life, then it was the second best day," he said.

The only other moment in his life that could compare, he said, was playing high-level sport as a young boy, before his eating disorder took hold.

"Bearing in mind my whole life basically has been living with anorexia - yes, it was the best day of my life.

"For me to now look back and think 'that was me', it shows you there is hope."

• The Department of Health has specialist eating disorder services in place since 2006 supported by an annual investment of £2 million since 2008

• Every Health and Social Care Trust has a specialist Adult Eating Disorder Service and a specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service Eating Disorder Team

• The Mental Health Strategy 2021-2031 includes a commitment to further strengthening community-based care and treatment

• The department-led Eating Disorder Managed Care Network brings together, health trusts, people with lived experience, community and voluntary sector and academia to drive regional improvement

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can access help and support at BBC Action Line.