'A lot of military wives give up their dreams'

They are often described as the "anchor of the household" in Army families.

Military wives can play the role of both mum and dad and run the show when it is time to move again - often at great cost to their own lives.

"I think a lot of military wives give up their dreams, hopes and aspirations because it's so difficult to organise yourself and think 'how am I going to now deal with being a single parent?'," said Anna Barkway, who has been based at Rock Barracks in Suffolk for nine years.

According to the Ministry of Defence's latest Families Continuous Attitude Survey, 52% of spouses say they do not feel valued by the service, compared with 19% who do.

While military life can mean leaving jobs, friends and family behind, the women at Rock Barracks have built their own support networks with other wives at the former RAF Woodbridge base in Sutton Heath.

Rock Barracks is home to 23 Parachute Engineer Regiment - part of the Army's Corps of Royal Engineers.

When partners are deployed elsewhere, they are often the ones holding everything together at home.

"Marriage is hard, full stop," said Emily Boyden, who has done two stints at Rock.

"If you marry a soldier, it's very, very difficult. You take on that role of mum, dad, everything."

Chelsea Nally has been based in the county for 10 years and has seen many families come and go: "You find your people because our husbands are away... [and] our families are a million miles away.

"We all know how it feels when they can just come home one day and say they're going away for six months.

"We become more like family than your actual family sometimes."

Samantha Wright has started her own business, Homefront Cakes, as a way to combat loneliness and bring people together and she operates her shop at weekends from a special shed in her garden.

"I've been a military wife for 15 years. In that time, I've moved home seven times and I've had to reinvent my job just as often," she said.

"The military community is incredibly special. We have a saying: 'It's never goodbye, it's just see you soon'.

"For me, cake isn't just a treat. It's a little piece of happiness and a way to bring people together."

The Ministry of Defence survey also found 38% of spouses disagreed that they could easily find information about support available to them.

Those experiences are familiar to Liz McKenzie, an outreach worker with Suffolk Mind's Frontline Partners project, and a military spouse herself.

"One of the hardest parts is when you start somewhere new, and you do that a lot," she said. "Having to establish yourself and try and make organic connections with people can be really difficult."

McKenzie said military families were constantly rebuilding support networks, only to have them disrupted by the next posting.

"You create those friendships, you create those bonds and you start to build your community, and then either you leave or the people you've built the community with leave," she said. "So it is a very challenging lifestyle."

Through the project, McKenzie works across military bases in Suffolk to help spouses connect with support and each other.

"The support network is absolutely vital," she said. "Sometimes it's down to the community and people in the community getting together and making something happen."

She encouraged military spouses who may feel isolated to take the first step and attend local events.

"It's a bit daunting sometimes to go to an event when you don't know anybody," she said. "Just come along, because you won't regret it. You'll always feel happier that you've done it."

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