What can we encourage children to look for in a role model?

Between the ages of seven and 11, your child may become more curious about the world around them and begin to admire certain people - whether that’s celebrities, influencers, their sports coaches or their peers.

Being able to think critically about the character and values of the people that they are looking up to is a vital skill to develop.

BBC Bitesize: People Around Us aims to help children aged 7-11 explore topics like this around positive relationships and role models. This article contains videos, expert advice and activity ideas to help you spark meaningful conversations about healthy friendships and the people who inspire us with your child.

Leaders are often people that children look up to, so it can be a good place to start when talking about someone’s qualities. In the film, the children realise it’s not just the personality that someone portrays outwardly that matters, but what they say and how they act.

Rosie demonstrates her character and values through what she says and what she does. You could reflect on this with your child. This might involve asking them what they think makes a good leader, such as good listening skills, being brave or being able to inspire others.

Encouraging your child to think critically will probably involve helping them understand how to analyse information effectively before coming to their own conclusion.

Dr Tamara Oliven is a senior child and adolescent psychotherapist at London Psychiatry Clinic. When it comes to someone’s character, she says: “Children at this age are still developing the capacity to hold complexity. Parents can help them understand that someone can be both confident and nervous at the same time - that what we see outside often does not tell the full picture of what’s going on inside.”

You could use the example of Emma at the end of the film, who says she can be ‘super loud and confident at times’ but that inside she often feels ‘quite nervous and worried’. Can your child think of a time when they felt like Emma?

Dr Oliven suggests trying to encourage deeper reflection by relating conversations to your child’s inner world. You could ask questions such as:

• When you played in that football match or performed in that show, how did you feel inside?
• How do you think people watching you thought you felt?
• What about your friend? How do you think they felt when they sat that exam?

If your child thinks their friend was confident and not at all worried, you might want to dig into that a bit further. You could ask them what made them think that. It might be helpful to remind them that we don't always see how someone is feeling on the inside.

We all have worries about our children’s lives online. When it comes to your own child’s online world, it can be helpful to continue asking questions that look more deeply into what a person’s feelings and motivation might be. If a stranger asks to ‘friend’ them online, you could remind them they’d never go somewhere with a stranger in real life.

Discussing how people online can more easily pretend to be someone or something they’re not, or how they might be outwardly projecting a particular personality or lifestyle can help your children to develop important critical thinking skills.

Dr Oliven advocates encouraging them to always come to you (or another trusted adult) if something doesn’t feel right. She highlights the importance of making it feel safe for your child to approach you if they’ve experienced or seen something upsetting, whether at school, at a club or on the internet.

She says: “Harmful content can be confusing because it may feel exciting, powerful or funny while also being frightening or degrading. Parents should lead with safety, not shame.” This might involve saying something like, ‘You’ll never be in trouble for telling me if you’ve seen or experienced something uncomfortable or worrying.’

Parents can also help children to name physical signals and feelings. They might need some help to identify these. You could ask: ‘Did that make you feel uneasy, pressured, scared or like you had to keep it secret?’

The life online section of the Bitesize Parenting website has further tips on how to support your child with their online relationships.

If you’re concerned your child has been exposed to unhealthy online relationships, you can find links to charities and support at BBC Action Line.

The second film highlights that ‘anyone can be a role model’ - including a recycled robot! The friends talk about the things they admire about M8-E, including that he ‘always tells the truth’ and that he’s ‘always asking questions’.

It could be helpful to talk to your child about things their friends, teachers or parents have done that they looked up to, such as helping a teacher with a task, making sure they include everyone in a game or always checking in on them before bed.

Does your child think they are a role model or could be seen as one? Who might look up to them? If they get stuck, you could offer up some suggestions - perhaps they supported a sibling who was upset or took on a task without being asked.

It can be really valuable to discuss with your child some of the qualities it takes to be a good role model, especially when it comes to their friends and healthy relationships. Some of these might include:

• respecting people’s boundaries, including their own
• managing conflict with kindness and respect
• listening attentively
• being welcoming towards others and not excluding anyone
• trying their best to manage their own difficult feelings, such as anger or frustration
• being polite or showing good manners

You could relate this to someone in your child’s life that they see as a role model. Does that person demonstrate some or all of these qualities?