Between the ages of seven and 11, children begin to meet a wider range of people and start developing a deeper understanding of the things that make us all different.
Helping them to understand the value of different viewpoints and that differences can make friendships stronger is vital.
The videos, expert top tips and conversations starters in this BBC Bitesize: People Around Us article can help you do just that. Use them to spark conversations with your child about how to show empathy to others and support their friends when they need it too.
How can I teach my child about respecting people’s differences?
Intro: M8-E wasn't like the other robots. They were designed to go out and do the jobs that people didn't want to do. But M8-E just wanted to spend time with people and get to know them. Thrown out by the factory, M8-E was rescued by Milo and taken to school, where M8-E is learning what it means to have friends.
Zayn: If I had to describe my family in one word, I'd say 'helpful'. Sometimes too helpful.
Tanvi: Mum and Dad are divorced, so most of the time I live with my mum and my brother, and some of the time I go stay with Dad.
Joshua: I am an only child, which means Mum and Dad only had one child. Me - their only child. This is not going well.
M8-E: Suggestion: You could say that you do not have any 'siblings'. A word meaning 'brothers and sisters'.
Joshua: Thanks, M8-E!
M8-E: Who are you talking to?
Joshua: The class. After lunch. We're doing presentations about our families.
M8-E: Definition found: 'A family is a group of people typically related by marriage or blood, and consisting of a mother, a father, and their children'.
Zayn: Wow, M8-E! We need to get the people who programmed you a more up-to-date dictionary!
Milo: Families are a bit more complicated than that. I'm adopted so I'm not biologically related to my mum, dad or sister. And Mum and Dad aren't married, but we're still a family!
Emma: I have two mums. They are married and we have a cat called Perky.
Tanvi: I've got two mums as well. Dad remarried so I have a step-mum.
Zayn: My mum and dad are married and I have far too many brothers and sisters.
Joshua: I don't have any, er… siblings!
M8-E: Additional data: Families are a way of passing down beliefs and traditions.
Milo: I suppose. Do you lot have any traditions?
Zayn: We do Board Games Night every week. I usually win.
Emma: Yeah! Like, every Saturday, Mum and Mama take me to the football!
Joshua: We go to Church every Sunday.
Tanvi: And we go to the Temple.
Milo: We cook! We all make a big dinner at the weekend.
M8-E: Everyone is different! This is too much information!
Milo: Whoah, M8-E!
Joshua: It's okay. We're all people. Our differences are just part of who we are.
Tanvi: I love our differences! It's what makes us interesting.
Emma: That's right. My family isn't Christian or anything, but it was cool to go see Josh sing in his Christmas concert.
Zayn: Yeah, who knew he had such a good voice?
M8-E: Assistance required: I need a new definition of 'family'.
Zayn: I think a family is the people who look after you.
Milo: The people who give you an example to follow.
Joshua: The people you belong to.
M8-E: So… you are my family.
Tanvi: Oh, M8-E! That's so sweet! We're your 'found family'!
M8-E: Thank you! Update complete!
Zayn: Speech time! Good luck, people!
Tanvi: Hey, M8-E, do you have any traditions?
M8-E: I am pleased you asked, Tanvi. Every year, robots celebrate Maker Day on the date of their first activation…
In the film, M8-E realises that each of his friends’ families are slightly different. You could use this to start a conversation with your child about their own family set-up and that of their peers. What differences do they notice? How do their family traditions compare to those of their friends?
You might also like to identify similarities together. By doing this, we can help to illustrate to our children that although families may all be slightly different, they often have plenty of things in common too.
Dr Tamara Oliven is a senior child and adolescent psychotherapist at London Psychiatry Clinic. She says: “Children may notice differences and feel curiosity, uncertainty or even anxiety. Parents can welcome questions without shame while expanding the child’s capacity for empathy. Families can look different and still be full of love, care and belonging. Different doesn’t mean wrong. It means people have different stories, families and ways of living.”
Being able to learn that you don’t have to be the same to be valued is a helpful concept to foster.” - Dr Nihara Krause, consultant clinical psychologist
Dr Nihara Krause is a consultant clinical psychologist. She highlights that it can be hard for this age group to feel confident about being different. However, she also says: “Being able to learn that you don’t have to be the same to be valued is a helpful concept to foster.”
There are many children’s books on difference. Dr Krause says: “These can help you to discuss the characters, what they faced and what can be learned.” If your child feels excluded for not being the same, helping them find places they belong through shared interests, activities and values can help them build confidence in their differences.
Dr Krause suggests introducing the concept of stereotypes and discussing why they aren’t true, such as all girls liking pink or that quietness means a lack of confidence. Try and use examples related to your child’s life - you might point out that their friend is a girl and she likes blue and purple. Dr Krause reminds us to try and be a positive role model as a parent and take care not to share any “inherent biases or views” too.
Gradually exposing your child to different people and situations will help them build the skills and confidence to manage differences in relationships. That could be through play dates, clubs, neighbours, community or religious groups.
In friendships, a little manageable conflict (such as a dispute over who gets the larger piece of cake) rather than jumping in immediately, can be a useful learning tool.
Dr Oliven says: “Relationship skills develop through repeated experiences of negotiation, frustration, repair and empathy. Parents can allow manageable conflict rather than immediately rescuing, trying to solve it or intervening.”
Afterwards, you could offer your child help to reflect. You might ask them what went well and what felt tricky. What would they do differently in the future? Sharing some of our own experiences can be a really useful way to engage children and remind them that we don’t always get things right in the moment either.
What does a caring friendship look like?
Intro: M8-E wasn't like the other robots. They were designed to go out and do the jobs that people didn't want to do. But M8-E just wanted to spend time with people and get to know them. Thrown out by the factory, M8-E was rescued by Milo and taken to school, where M8-E is learning what it means to have friends.
Emma: Milo, you're the science nerd.
Milo: I prefer 'geek'.
Emma: Whatever. How does evolution work?
Milo: It's how living things change to be better at surviving. It can take millions of years!
Emma: I don't have millions of years. I've got 'til Mum picks me up from Homework Club. Let's have a look!
Milo: Hey! No copying!
Joshua: You've spelt 'genes' wrong! Those are the jeans you wear, not the genes inside your cells.
Milo: Well, at least I know what a shape with eight sides is called.
Emma: That was funny when you called it an 'octopus' in front of the whole class!
Joshua: I panicked! And you can check your own spelling.
Milo: Give it back!
Emma: Oh, come on, help us out!
Milo: Let go!
M8-E: Stop! Lay down the homework and step away from the desk!
Tanvi: Can't a girl do her maths in peace?
Zayn: What's going on?
M8-E: We have an emergency! Milo, Emma and Joshua are no longer friends!
Milo: He said I couldn't spell!
Emma: He's being a smarty-pants!
Joshua: They brought up the octopus thing!
M8-E : Observations: Milo has difficulty with his spelling and refuses to ask for help. Emma does not understand the science homework and is pretending it does not matter. Joshua is upset because his difficulties with maths have been noticed instead of his strengths in English.
Zayn: Wow! You're getting really good at this!
Tanvi: Is M8-E right?
Joshua, Emma and Milo: Yeah. Sorry.
Milo: It's just, you've always called me 'the brainy one', but I don't always feel brainy.
Emma: And I know I act like I don't care about the brainy stuff, but I do.
Joshua: I care a bit too much sometimes.
Tanvi: So what are you going to do about it?
Milo: I'm going to help Emma with science.
Emma: I'll help Josh with maths.
Joshua: And I'll help Milo with his spelling.
M8-E: Are they friends again?
Zayn: They never stopped being friends, M8-E. They just needed to remember that.
Tanvi: Even good friends fall out sometimes. But they say sorry and move on with the important stuff, like supporting each other. Working through stuff like this makes friendships stronger.
M8-E: Thank you! Update complete!
Zayn: Home-time! I thought it would never come.
Milo: It's a bit like evolution, isn't it? Friendships change in lots of different ways. We just have to make sure they're good changes.
Emma: So the friendship survives and gets stronger. Knew you were a science geek!
All relationships, including friendships, don’t always feel happy and secure and involve managing differences.” - Dr Tamara Oliven, senior child & adolescent psychotherapist
In the film, the friends squabble over their respective weaknesses in homework subjects. M8-E is surprised they’re still friends afterwards. You might want to use this to talk to your child about how all friendships face ups and downs but it’s how we manage those situations and talk respectfully to our friends, that counts.
Dr Oliven says: “All relationships, including friendships, don’t always feel happy and secure and involve managing differences: different wishes, sensitivities, family experiences and ways of communicating.”
She suggests that, over time, you can teach your child they can be close to someone without being the same as them. She says: “A secure friendship can hold disagreement, separateness and repair without either person having to let go of their beliefs.”
Try to be curious but not overbearing about your child’s friendships and ask them questions. You might ask them how they feel around a certain friend or what happens when one of them is upset. To help, discuss some of the qualities of a good friendship with your child. Some of these might include:
- mutual respect
- trustworthiness
- loyalty
- kindness
- support with problems and difficulties
You could ask your child what qualities they think the friends showed by the end of the film, such as self-awareness, listening skills and empathy. By identifying these traits in others, we can help young people with their own emotional development, supporting them to recognise positive and negative traits in themselves and the people around them.
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