What is a role model?

As your child becomes more aware of the world around them, the people they see as role models may change.

Talking to children aged 7-11 about what is behind that admiration can help them recognise positive qualities and reflect on what really matters in a role model.

BBC Bitesize: People Around Us has been created to help guide you through these conversations. Packed with expert advice, fun videos and questions to get you started, these films can help you and your child reflect on what you value most in a relationship and think critically about who they look up to.

A role model is someone whose actions, behaviour and achievements are looked up to and sometimes emulated by others. In the film, M8-E tries to copy Milo’s kind and helpful actions, albeit not getting it quite right at first.

Senior child and adolescent psychotherapist Dr Tamara Oliven, from London Psychiatry Clinic, says: “Role models are important because they encourage children to imagine who they might want to become and how they might get there.”

Some examples of role models for your children may include family members (parents, carers and siblings are often children's first role models), peers, teachers, sports coaches and celebrities like sports stars, actors, singers and influencers.

In the film, Milo unknowingly becomes a positive role model to M8-E. What positive qualities does your child think Milo role-models for M8-E in the video? These might include offering to help or demonstrating kindness. Why do they think Milo doesn’t realise he is being a good role model?

Dr Oliven suggests also having a conversation with your child about who they look up to, what they like about them or how that person makes them feel.

If your child’s role model is a public figure, it can be a good idea to try to get them to think past their celebrity. She says: “The important thing is to be very curious about what qualities or behaviours might have drawn your child to the role model and then follow up with ideas or thoughts about how the child can develop those things in themselves.”

For example, if your child admires a footballer, you could discuss what qualities they show beyond the football pitch, such as empathy or wanting to make a positive difference to children’s lives. You could help your child think of some ways they might emulate this. Maybe they could raise some money for charity or volunteer with you locally? It could also be useful to discuss who they think the footballer’s role model was when they were growing up. Who might their role models be now?

Once you’ve helped your child understand the concept of a role model, you might like to expand on who can be one. It’s not just, as Milo points out in the video, a ‘dad, big brother, someone rich or famous’. It can be really valuable to explain that people in your family or wider community can be role models, as can your child.

In the second film, Zayn’s friends respect him for helping the teacher. Dr Oliven says: “Parents can help children notice that they influence others too, which supports responsibility and empathy, such as ‘When you include someone, tell the truth, or apologise, you’re showing others what kind of person you want to be’. Help children see that younger siblings, classmates or friends may learn from them.”

This might involve discussing some of the ways your child demonstrates role model behaviour. You might need to make a few suggestions or remind them of some of the positive things you have noticed them doing. Perhaps they take the dog for a walk without being asked or share skills and knowledge with younger children.

In the first film, Milo worries about the responsibility of being a role model and not always knowing ‘the right thing to do’. His friends also quip that he’s ‘not perfect’.

Dr Oliven says: “Parents can help children understand that someone can be both confident and nervous at the same time, that what we see outside often does not tell the full picture of what is going on inside. This supports a less idealised, more realistic and deeper view of people.”

Whether you’re discussing a celebrity, a sports coach or your nextdoor neighbour, you could ask simple reflective questions, such as:

• What do you think they believe in?
• What challenges do you think they might have had to overcome to achieve their goals?
• Who or what might have helped them to learn what they had to in order to be able to do what they do?

The second film can help illustrate another important point to your child - that sometimes people promise things and don’t deliver. The friends feel bad about this. However, try and encourage self-reflection rather than shame.

If your child promised to do something but didn’t, what could they do better next time? You could ask them what they might say to a friend who feels let down. Remind them that it’s important to apologise but also forgive themselves. In the spirit of sharing, you could give an example of a time when you didn’t get something quite right and what you did differently in the future.

This awareness can also be useful in the online world. Influencers may be promising a lifestyle that’s unachievable for most people, or they may be saying things that aren’t fully true. Having these conversations will help your child to develop critical thinking skills about which actions they want to emulate and can support them as their pool of influence grows with age.